Parky's Day In Court

Part 1


Thursday morning came all to slowly for Toddy, he really couldn't wait to get back to walking the beat, although still not so sure about Parky, he had been more relaxed working with him after a third day being paired off with him.
Over breakfast he told the story of Parky the Terminator who single handedly took on the might of the snowball warriors to his sister and Jake in-between fits of laughter and gulps of hot porridge. Toddy also revealed Parky's ordeal walking home in the ice cold evening with a hole in the back of his pants and trying to con the Sergeant into getting some new pants from the stores.
"Do you know where you will be today" asked his mother,
 "no idea yet, they will allocate us to a beat or duty when we get there " replied Toddy, 
"That's a shame, it's a cold day out there, i could have met you somewhere with a hot flask".
 "That's ok" he added, "im sure Parky will find us somewhere to have a cuppa".
"That's true enough" his mum told him, "He never was behind the door at asking for a brew".
Toddy grabbed his coat and headed for the door, then turned back remembering to give his mother a kiss on the cheek on the last minute, picked up his helmet and was gone though the front door in seconds.



At The Station

He arrived at the station just in time for parade, this occurred every morning at the start of each duty to make sure each officer had the current equipment and dressed to the smart appearance expected by the public at large.
After parade they were given the beat duty for the day, Parky wasn't there, but Toddy was assigned duty with him.
"Where's Parky Toddy?" Toddy asked,
"He's in court today" came the booming voice of Sgt Hooper.
"Why what's he done?" Asked Toddy innocently.
"ha ha ha that's a good one, you may well ask" Sgt Hooper answered. "no he's giving evidence today, I'd like you to tag along, it will be good experience for you".
Toddy was excited, a court case, his mind started to wonder about what the case could be about, a murder, a fraud, hopefully something juicy.
"Ahh here's Parky now...late as usual" barked Sgt Hooper.
"Bus was late !" Parky replied panting as though he had been running, the lads knew otherwise though, he normally had a crafty smoke behind police station before he went in and had just lost track of time.
"You'd better not be late in court today" Sgt Hooper told him, "Where're banking on your evidence to convict him".
Toddy's ears pricked up on this thinking it must be case if they really needed a conviction that bad.
"You can depend on me" he replied while patting his note book in his jacket pocket "it's all in 'ere sarge".
Sgt Hooper picked up the night sheets and started to read what had been logged down overnight, turned back to Parky and said "You still here, off you go...oh and take Toddy with you".
The look on Parky's face was a picture at the thought of having to take Toddy with him, he always popped in for drink...or two when at court at the local pubs in Bury.
"Well come on then Toddy, we haven't got all day" Parky grumpily told him while shaking his head in despair not exactly filled with joy at the prospect of having a nipper with him. He walked towards the door and looked back,
"'ere hang on, what about car" Parky asked just before he walked though the door.
"Use the train, I'll get you a lift to the station" Sgt Hooper told him.
Parky barged his way though the door at this news, very un-happy at how the day was starting out, it was bad enough just having Toddy with him let alone the fact he now had to use the train like normal members of the public.
They walked outside, Parky still muttering under his breathe " Think it's time i retired, no ruddy thanks in this job no blinkin more".
A police Wolsley pulled up and they both got in the back, Both Toddy and Parky remained silent during the whole journey and then they were dropped off outside Prestwich Train Station.
"See you later, good luck" said the driver.
" Not if i see ya first ya wont" Parky snapped back still upset that the nice easy day that he had planned was ruined. He got out of the car panicking that he had forgotten the notebook with the details he needed for the case, with a sigh of relief he found it in his left jacket pocket wrapped up in hankies normally it would be in his breast pocket but in this instance it wasn't his current notebook that he would need.
Toddy put his hand in his right pocket to get some money out for the train fare until Parky grabbed his hand and stopped him.
"Ya don't think we're payin' do ya?" he asked " We're on duty, for Queen and country", well that and he wanted to hold some cash back for spending in Bury.
"Just wait 'ere for a while and watch" he told Toddy.

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I Cant Stop Scratchin!

Parky stubbed out his cigarette, throw it on the floor and stepped on it with his right foot twisting it round with the ball of the shoe until it had been extinguished. and nodded to Toddy it was time to go,
They started to walk up towards Park View Road but things were not quite right,
"ya know, am not lookin forward to seeing ruddy Wiffy again at the station when we get back" Parky told Toddy. "Hoped i wouldn't see him for ages, well smell 'im at any rate"
"He does pong a bit doesn't he" Toddy replied,
"aye and once smelt is ruddy enuff". Parky said laughing as he did so, they passed the school and Parky suddenly had this urge to start scratching his arm, harder and harder he scratched, "ill kill that ruddy Wiffy when i get my hands on 'im" he remarked.
Mrs. Abbott was just leaving the school as Toddy and Parky were passing the big iron gates.
"Hello Parky how are you?, looking forward to Christmas, not long now only...." she asked him,
Parky quickly put his arm back down that he had been scratching himself with, " Oh im alright, how's ya old man, not seen him down the legion for ages" Parky replied.
"Oh my god he's been driving me up the wall recently", she told him as she locked the school gates.
"Has he be god, why? thought he'd won the pools and forget to post the coupon?" Parky joked while trying scratch his nose without her noticing.
Mrs. Abbott looked up from putting the keys back in her bag, "if only that was all, no the legion being done up and he's worried it wont be ready in time for the Christmas kids party" she explained.
"Ill ask some of the lads down the station if they can lend a hand then, sure they wont mind for the kids" Parky added, still scratching away.
"That would be wonderful" she said, "Ted will be pleased".
"We're just on our way there now, aren't we?" Parky added looking at Toddy to supply confirmation while inserting his index finger down the collar of his shirt.
"Is something the matter?" she enquired "You do seem to be having problems".
"Aye it's the misses, i think she's been using starch again in the washing" he replied not wanted her to know the true reason for all this activity. He continued to scratch his neck while un-doing his top collar button.
"I've not been in the legion this week, ill pop in tell 'im" Parky told her while shuffling his feet and rubbing his left leg against the right one.
"I'll tell Ted as soon as i get in, he will be thrilled" she replied.
"We'll have to get on and back to the station, got to teach the young whippersnapper the ropes" Parky uttered really not wanting to hang about under this scratching epidemic he had contracted.
She reached over and gave him a kiss on the check, "Ruddy 'ell not in front of the lad!" he cried. "there will be rumours all over the place if the station gets to 'ear of this".
"Nonsense" she replied. "just a thank you for your very kind offer to the legion".
"it's the least we can do, givin them poor kids a Christmas that they wouldn't get otherwise, im sure the lads will pull togeather on this". Parky said trying to walk away and scratch his behind without catching her eye.
"well ill let you lads get on now" she finally told them both, " Ted will fill you in I'm sure".
"with beer i 'ope" Parky remarked quickly".
"C'mon lad lets get off" he told Toddy as he looked back and gave a quick farewell wave to Mrs. Abbott. They reached Bury New Road and with almost a clear road except for Mr. Davis the chimney sweep on his BSA 500 motorcycle combination, they stepped out into the road and made their way to the station directly across the road. Parky stood outside not wanting to go in, he was still scratching himself all over and didn't relish the idea of making contact with Wiffy Wilbur inside.
"Tell ya what lad, you get off 'ome I'll just get mesen sorted out" he told him, Toddy duly went inside to sign off and as he didn't have much to report himself that day picked up his sandwich box and left for the long journey home.
Toddy was pleased his third day in the job was over, each day had been different and he had learned that no two days are the same, well so far anyway, still early days yet, Toddy set off for home knowing his mum would have a hot meal waiting for him as soon as he got in. The thought of that hot meal gave him a warm glow inside and he started to whistle his first Christmas carol, Silent Night, well it was only a couple of weeks off and the season was well under way in the shops. He pondered on what the next day would bring, he didn't have long to find out.

End Of Chapter 3

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Oh My God It's......

2 episodes togeather due to being off line last week.

Oh My God It's.....

Parky and Toddy set off out of the station very chuffed with themselves, Parky had that big beaming tell tale smile on his face, whistling the song "The sun has got his hat on", why it was only 11 o'clock and they had made an arrest already, Toddy wished he had done the deed, as yet he had not made his first arrest, something he was hoping he wouldn't have to wait long for, mind you he knew it was only his third day in the job.
They took a short cut though Park View Road to Heywood Road and as they turned the corner they stopped dead in their tracks at the sight that behold them.
A crowd of people were sprayed across the road all shouting and pushing each other around. They walked closer not quite knowing what it was all about until they got within hearing distance of the noisy motley crew of mobbing pedestrians.
"I don't believe it" Parky mocked, "you think you.ve seen it all but ....."
Toddy moved for a better view and he too was a little taken aback.
In the middle of the road were about 20 people are fighting over what looked like rags. they were pushing and shoving and the cloth was giving way under the pull of their eagerness to make use of the situation.
On the pavement, sat upright but a little dazed was our old pal Wiffy Wilbur, no one was even with him to make sure he was alright. The left wheel had worked its way off the axle of the rag and bone cart showering the road with both Wilbur himself and the entire contents of the rear loading bed of the cart.
"Alright alright let's have some order round 'ere!" shouted Parky as he waded into the crowd pushing some of them into the hedges of the gardens facing the incident.
Some of the crowd now ran off taking with them some cloth and even an old bike so Parky turned his attention to Wilbur.
"What happened?" he asked Wilbur.
Wilbur explained to him " I just felt a jolt and then rolled off the cart onto the pavement" pausing while sipping a quick dram of scotch from his hip flask. "then they all came out of Bannerman Ave, thought i was done for" he continued. Once again he had a quick swig of whisky.
"'ad you been drinking before this?" asked Parky.
"No i wasn't, just trying to steady my nerves with this" Wilbur replied wiping his lips with his right hand as he said so.
"Your lucky, could have been nasty, just a few cuts and bruises" Parky informed.
Parky turned to Toddy, "Pick some of that stuff up and get it off the road NOW" he barked.
Toddy duly did his duty but wasn't pleased at being used as a servant.
"Stand up and lets see if you can walk" Parky told Wilbur, well he tried and he tried but he couldn't stand at all. Every time he got up his legs gave way even when trying to hold on the lamppost.
"Eee by god you're ruddy plastered!" Parky remarked "'ow many have you 'ad?"
"Oh just a couple at the Turf Tavern" Wilbur replied, "ere im ok ya knows, i can hold me drink".
"Aye it looks like it!" Parky replied.
Sgt Hooper arrived in his car, Parky walked over to the car just where he thought it would park up.
"What's all this then?" Sgt Hooper asked.
"It's Wilbur again, wheel fallen off cart but he's kaylied too".
"Right I'll take him back with me" Hooper told him.
Parky trotted over to Wilbur, cautioned him and helped him to Sgt Hooper's car. "back to where you belong.." he told Wilbur "behind bars", Parky joked.
"Ive just come from a bar" Wilbur replied. " an it's got better service than this " he shouted as he was dragged into the back seat.
"You stay here until i get someone over to move it all" Sgt Hooper told Parky
"Aye ok sarge" replied Parky and took up his position with Toddy at the side of the road.. he didn't have to wait long before he was relieved the local garage with a recovery truck.
The helped load up the truck and after having a quick crafty ciggy and wasting a bit of time Parky decided it was time to go back to the station.


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Meanwhile. Back at The Ranch

If anyone is reading thsi story could they please let me know by emailing me on toddy@pctodd.co.uk


Pleased As Punch

Toddy and Parky walked in the station reception area with Dave between them, handcuff to Parky's left hand. Parky had spring in his step, a little like the old days when he was a damn good cop that did everything by the book.
"Oh aye what's all this then?" asked Sgt Hooper stood behind the desk.
"I've just arrested this 'ere lad for an incident at Mrs. Jones's last night" Parky replied with glee.
"is it April fools day today?" Sgt Hooper enquired
"No it's ruddy not," Parky remarked back quickly.
"Wonders will never cease" Sgt Hooper replied and turned to the others and shouted , "hey listen up, your not going to believe this but Parky's arrested someone".
Everyone in the room looked up from their work, glaring at Parky in complete disbelief.
"Oi you lot! anyone would think ive never arrested anyone they way your actin" Parky snapped.
"This is my, once a year day, once a year day" a voice sung from behind the filing cabinet.
"An' you can shut up an'all!" Parky shouted back "ruddy young uns think they know it all" he muttered under his breathe.
A little head popped up from behind the cabinet, it was Pc Walker. "just having a bit of fun Parky, no need to be like that".
"Alright, alright we will say no more about it" Parky said grudgingly.
"NOW about this lad, book him in will ya" Parky said to the Pc Walker who was by now walking over to the desk after Sgt Hooper beckoned him over.
Sgt Hooper stepped over to Parky and noted "well done you two, now i need you to go to Heywood Road, been an incident there, Walker will finish off here now". Toddy came over with a warm glow at the praise from the sergeant
"Yes sarge, which part?" Parky asked.
"Near bannerman Ave" Sgt Hooper replied.
"Righte'o we're on our way" Parky said with a small salute and grabbed toddy by the arm.




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Lets Nail The Sod

Parky wasted no time at all in making his mind up who was the culprit, he knew most of the lads who got into trouble and thought he had more than a simple hunch it was one of the Jameson brothers.
"C'mon lad step on it" Parky hinted at Toddy. "quicker we get there quicker we get back to the station" he continued.
"Where are we going now" asked Toddy.
"Ramsbottom Row" he replied.
They matched to Bury new Road and waited for the Belcher Beacon to be clear of on coming traffic, as soon as it was clear off they went across the road to Warwick Street.
"Down 'ere it is. not far" Parky barked.
They walked down Warwick Street past all the old Co Op offices and as the reached the bottom they passed the Co OP yard.
"That's where all the 'orses and the milk came from" Parky told Toddy as he pointed down into the yard.
They walked a little further and turned left and at the bottom was indeed Ramsbottom Row. It was a group of old ramshackle houses barely still in one piece, rubbish lay everywhere and looked like it was still in the early 1900's.
"Which one is it?" Toddy asked.
"No 14 sonny" Parky relied. "An' 'ere it is".
This time Parky rapped on the door three times hard. no reply, Parky decided they might be pretending they we're in, after all maybe the they thought he was the rent man. He walked to the left and knocked on the window.
"Alright alright I'm coming !" boomed a mans voice from behind the window.
The door opened quickly and hit the inside of the wall quite hard. A man's head loomed out followed by his body, he was aged around 55, dark wavy hair which looked like it hadn't seen water since rationing was abolished, he had a dirty scarf round his neck like a tie and his dirty shirt was mostly hidden by the overalls he was wearing.
"Well what you want, I've only just come off me shift down the colliery" he snapped.
"Are your sons in Mr. Jameson" Parky asked.
"Why who wants to know? Mr. Jameson shouted back. "don't you coppers ever leave us alone".
"Pc Parky and Pc Todd, Prestwich Police" Parky replied knowing full well Mr. Jameson knew who he was, he should do, after all he had arrested him only two nights before for being drunk and disorderly outside the George Pub in Sedgley Park.
"Look i haven't got time for all this, ive just done a 12 hour shift, now what's all this about?" Mr. Jameson asked.
"We just need to talk to your sons. routine enquires" Parky told him.
"Aye an' we all know what they lead to don't we" he snapped.
"WELL are they in or not" Parky demanded.
"Dave, Frank you there !" Mr. Jameson shouted into the behind him.
There was a scuffle and one of the lads appeared round the door.
"Dave this so called copper wants a word with you" he told his son.
"OH yeah what about?2 Dave asked.
"And your name sunny Jim?" Parky asked.
"Dave, Dave Jameson" he replied
"Where were you early this morning about ....." Parky asked
"I was in 'ere all the time, ask me dad if ya don't believe me" Dave replied before Parky could finish.
"Your father says he's only just got home from his shift" Parky added.
" I was 'ere i tell ya, err maybe you want Frank" Dave said quickly panicking.
"Where is Frank?" Parky asked.
"Oh he's err not here he's err gone out, out all day in fact" Dave stuttered.
"Where?" Parky asked.
"errr Radcliffe market, a spot of labouring" Dave said.
"You seem a little on edge" Parky remarked
"Look it wasn't me right" Dave replied quickly
"I haven't told ya what it is we are talking about yet" Parky uttered
"well if you cops are 'ere it's gotta be bad news, it always is" Dave replied quickly.
Parky looked at his clothes but his attention was drawn to the floor, just as Dave tried to close the door a loud clanging noise was heard as if something had fallen over on the inside of the door.
"What's that there noise eh?" Parky demanded
"errr nuffin" Dave responded but he was too slow, Parky saw his chance and pushed the door open only to find lying there, a crowbar. Parky picked it up.
"what's this 'ere then, suppose your going to tell me its a tin opener now aren't ya" Parky said sarcastically.
"I told you to put that away didn't i" Mr. Jameson shouted at Dave.
"Com'on son, down to the station we go" Parky added.
"What for?" Dave asked
"I'm arresting you for criminal damage to a garden shed, and going equipped to steal" Parky informed him.
"You have the right to remain silent but anything you do say maybe taken down and used as evidence, do you understand Dave?" Parky cautioned him.
Dave was well cheezed off by the fact he had got caught by his own laziness. He remained silent not wanting to make matters any worse, after all this wasn't the first time he had been in trouble with the police, he grabbed his coat and went to join Toddy outside.
"I'll come with ya lad, even if you are a soddin fool" Mr. Jameson said.
"NO I'll be alright, tis my own fault dad. Just till gran i cant come and see 'err" Dave told him.
Parky looked well pleased with himself, this would be a feather in his cap when he got back to the station, after all he had just come on duty and got a result, he then turned and marched himself and Toddy back to the station. He was so chuffed with himself he forgot to look where he was going and tripped up and fell into a large muddy puddle, Toddy and Dave laughed out loud much to Parky's disgust but he overcome this not wanting to be seen a fool and after picking himself up, brushed his tunic down with his right hand and simply pointed to the road for them to continue on there way.


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The Old Bat Tells All

Mrs. Jones snuggled up with a cardigan over her shoulders ready to spill the beans about why she phoned up the police.
"Start at the beginning" Parky said, "take you time". He turned and gestured to Toddy to start writing up the conversation with his left hand, his right hand busy shoving cake into his half full mouth.
"well " she said, "i was just making my breakfast this morning".
"what time was that madam" Parky butted in.
"Oh about , well lets see, err about 7.30 am, yes that's about right"
"I see" Parky replied nodding as he did so. " 'ere hang on, they said at the station it was last night !" Parky added.
"Well i heard the sound of the old tin bath tub falling over last night" she answered. "At first i thought it was the cat but when i looked she was on the settee".
"Did you see anyone?" asked Parky
"Oh no i wasn't looking, i AM on my own you know" she retorted.
"Righto then, what about this morning?" Parky asked in-between chewing cake and spitting crumbs out on the floor, He wiped his mouth with his right hand now free after polishing off the last of the cake.
"Did you like that?" she asked
"Aye i did be god" Parky told her hoping she had some more left. But she mentioned nothing about any more cake for Parky, instead focusing on the story.
"Well i was just bringing the milk in front the front door when i heard a bang at the back". she explained. "anyway i went back to the kitchen so i could observe what had happened" she continued.
"Did you see anyone?" Parky asked
"At first i didn't look, with all the noise i thought someone was about to mill lay me" she replied.
"Mill lay?" Parky asked
"Oh yes it's an old expression my father used when i was just a wee girl" she told him
"What's it mean? "Parky asked
"Mill Lay? Oh it means To force open the doors of houses in order torob them.
"Does it be god?" Parky said surprised
"oh yes, but alot of old sayings have been lost over the years"
"Like what?" Parky asked
"Oh well like , the gallows we called the morning drop or gypsies we called moon men" she explained.
"Well i never . 'ere Toddy you lern somethin everyday ya do" he said laffin.
"it's all here in this big old book" she said pointing at the small but fully filled bookcase in the corner of the room, both Parky and Toddy looked round, 
"take it out" she told him "it's the one on the second shelf with the black covers" she added.
Parky told Toddy to get it and pass it to him, well why keep a dog and bark yourself he thought. Toddy did his duty and picket dup the rather heavy and bulky book and passed it to Parky who blew off the dust on the cover and opened it out while Mrs. Jones continued with her story.
"Did you see who it was and would you know them again?" Parky asked but was too busy reading the book to listen to her answer.
"Yes i did once i had grabbed my walking stick in case i was attacked, believe me i will give as good as i get" she exclaimed.Toddy wrote every single word down without looking up, but he could hear Parky quite clearly.
"Ruddy 'ell, cor blimey, disgustin" he said while flicking tho the pages, "cant believe what's in 'ere" he said. "flippin 'eck"
"Oh it doesn't shock me" she replied "we had a hard life growing up, my old man worked down the mines at Agecroft".
"What's it called?" Toddy asked.
"Best you don't know son, not for your eyes this err isn't" Parky boldly stated. Parky closed the book sharply producing a waft of dust as he did so and placed it on the sideboard now far from Toddy who raised himself up to see the title. The title read "The 1812 dictionary of vulgar tongue by Captain Grose Et Al".
"I think we had better get back to the story misses" Parky said quickly trying to change the subject while carefully pushing the book out of Toddy's sight.
"Well" she said "it was just as i said before, i was getting breakfast and i heard this bang, so i hid behind the curtain and peeped out, I saw a scruffy looking lad with a jenny trying to open the shed door" she continued.
"A jenny?" Toddy asked,
"She means a crowbar son" Parky chipped in.
"Would you know him if you saw him again?" Parky asked her.
"Oh yes, can see him plain as day" she said.
Could you describe him?" Parky enquired
"Mmmm now lets see, oh that's right, he had national health specticales,short brown hair but hidden by a flat cap, dark trousers and a dark jacket." she explained.
"Anything else?" Parky added.
"oh err yes, he had a limp when he walked" she told them.#
"Arrr i might just know the lad" Parky said with a smile on his face. "sounds like one of the Jameson lads".
"anything missing or damaged?" Toddy added, Parky looked at him with a 'if looks could kill' expression on his face.
"I'LL do the talking thank you" he told Toddy.
"No no don't think anything was taken , i didn't notice anything damaged either, mind you i haven't looked that closely, i am on my own after all".
Toddy continued writing it all down while Parky started liking his lips as a hint he wanted a bit more cake, she took the bait.
"A little more cake?" she asked him
"It would be rude not too" he joked.
"And the lad?" she asked.
"yes please" Toddy said but just as he did so Parky made it clear he had other ideas.
"No the lad will be outside in the yard checking things over" Parky told her, after all this meant more cake for him.
"Err will i?" asked Toddy.
"Aye go an look, make sure she will be safe tonite" he barked.
"Come on in the kitchen and help yourself" she told Parky, He duly did, he didn't need a second invitation.
"just humour the old bat" Parky whispered to Toddy.
"What was that you said?" she shouted from the kitchen.
"oh just telling the lad to manouver the old cat before opening the door or it will escape" Parky replied.
Toddy smiled not quite believing how it gets away with his cheek every time and opened the backdoor into the yard, He could see the tin bath leaning against the wall, an old mangle for drying the clothes on, a garden shed, which was a bit worse for wear and tear over the years, and an assortment of flowerpots. Toddy walked over to the shed and checked the door, he noticed the telltale signs of something had been used to lever out the padlock but failed, He Tugged at the lock with his right hand and then let it go after satisfying himself it was secure. He then turned and went back into the back room.
"Found anythin?" Parky asked in a muffled voice due to his mouth being full of cake at the time.
"Yes the shed door has been tampered with but not broken" Toddy replied.
Parky finished his eating, wiped his lips with his sleeve and then said "Well that's about all the details we need for now, we will be in touch" he explained to her.
"are you going now?" she asked.
"Aye I'll have a word with this lad an see if he shed some light on it" Parky replied, " And DON'T worry , just leave it to us and we shall sort it out" he said.
"Oh thank you, i don't want to be any trouble," added.
"Don't worry luv, that's what we are here for, we know all the local villains round 'ere, I'm sure we will sort this up quickly" Parky assured her.
"Oh thank you so much" she said and escorted them down the hallway to the front door.
"We will be in touch" Parky told her as he walked though the door back into civvy street. Toddy followed while putting his notebook and pencil back in his left breast pocket.
Toddy turned to say "Thanks for the tea..." but the door suddenly slammed in his face.
"I was right the first time,,, a daft old bat" Parky remarked as they headed off down the street to find the villain he suspected of being responsible for the offence.
"Do you know him then?" Toddy asked.
"Aye an just you wait an see me give him a good grillin when i see him" Parky boasted.
They headed off towards Ramsbottom Row, a place known for rogues and the not so fortunate.

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GOD IT'S FORT KNOX

Is There Anybody There

Toddy stepped forward two paces and rapped on the door twice, then paused then rapped twice again.
"What sort of a ruddy knock is that?" asked Parky, "it's not the secret service ya know, it's not a blinking code".
"I always do it that way, always have" Toddy replied.
A voice came from the other-side of the door, "I'm coming, wait a mo" Mrs. Jones shouted.
"Well at least we know she's in then" Parky noted, "I'm sick of goin to ruddy empty houses, you think they would be in after they phoned us wouldn't ya" he added.
"Won't be a minute, just wait" Mrs. Jones continued to shout. Mrs. Jones continued to shout but never seems to get any closer to the door.
They could hear her footsteps and Toddy began to wonder just how long the hallway was.
"Won't be long now, takes us old timers a while you know, we can't run" Mrs. Jones shouted yet again.
"Flippin 'eck she must have a hall as long as the Blackpool golden mile" Parky told Toddy jokingly.
"Who is it?" she asked.
"It's Pc parker and Pc Todd , Prestwich police" Parky replied.
"Hang on then, I'll just undo the bolts" she replied.
"Ruddy 'ell its like tryin to contact the flippin dead this is, is there anybody there? he jokingly said to Toddy.
Clunk sounded the first bolt, clunk a second bolt was released. "Who is it again?" she asked.
"Pc parker and Pc Todd Mrs. Jones" replied Parky.
" OH that's right, im afraid my memory isn't as good as it was," she replied. clunk a third bolt was pulled back.
"Ruddy 'ell it's Fort Knox !" Parky said, "what's she got in there?". Parky turned to face toddy and said quietly " trust us to be lumbered with some old daft bat, no wonder we were given this job, just you wait till i get back at the sta......"
Before he could finish the sentence the door finally opened, just a shade at first then a little more squeaking as it did so, the top half of a little old ladies face peeped out at the side of the door.
!"I heard that!" she said " an old bat am i?" she asked.
"No no i was just telling me old mucker 'ere that this last old HAT needed replacing" Parky replied quickly mopping his brow nervously, " it's gettin a bit withered".
"It's not the only thing that's withered either is it" she replied quickly.
"What's that supposed to mean ?" Parky asked.
"Well never mind that what you doing here" she darted at him.
"You reported seeing a prowler" Parky responded.
"OH yes come on in, wipe your feet" she told them.
Parky took the first step towards the hallway looking behind at the door at the number of bolts on it, "ruddy 'ell there's more bolts than door there" he quipped to Toddy who just nodded silently. She escorted them though the dark hallway into the main sitting room.
"I thought you had the crown jewels in 'ere with all them locks" Parky joked.
"I'm on my own and have to be careful" she replied.
"Aye a very wise precaution" Parky noted.
"Sit down" she told them while pointing at the two chairs near to the fireplace.
Parky and Toddy sat down taking stock of the room.
"i suppose you want a drink to keep the cold out do you?" she asked them. Parky couldn't get his words out quick enough.
"Aye it is a little Parky out there this morning" he told her chortling to himself at the Parky pun.
"I've got some nice cake...and for the lad some milk" she replied.
"ohh that will do nicely" Parky answered her.
"And for you.... how about some Adams Ale?" she asked him.
Parky looked a little puzzled, he had not heard of that make of beer before, maybe it's homemade or something just come in from Trafford Docks.
"Aye just the ticket" he said turning to Toddy who was busy shaking his head at the thought of Parky drinking on duty and so early in the morning.
"Just to keep the chill out" he whispered to Toddy winking as he did so.
"The lad?" Toddy asked Parky, "I'm 18!.
"Shush, you're a lad to her , no shut up or we might not get any cake" Parky snapped.
Mrs. Jones then went into the kitchen, Toddy looked round the room, it had seen better days that was for sure, no doubt the lack of money, materials and workforce over the war years had led to its decline. Wallpaper had started to peel off the walls, paintwork was chipped and dirty, the furniture was very old and most really needed putting on the fire and burning. The chairs were really sagging just where you needed the support most and Toddy couldn't help wondering just how long she had been living like this.
Mrs. Jones returned from the kitchen with a glass of milk for Toddy which he handed to him with her left hand and a nice jam Swiss roll which she duly placed on the small table facing him.
"I'll just get you yours" she told Parky.
She re-entered the room with Parky's drink..
"I've put it in my ex husband tankard" she told him and passed it to Parky who received it with a twinkle in his eye.
Eee aye that's just the job" Parky said with a grin on his face.
Parky turned to Toddy and told him, "I'll do the talkin, you do the writing" knowing full well that Toddy couldn't eat cake and write without getting jam on the pages of his notebook.
Parky then settled down to begin his interview. taking the tankard with his right hand, or his drinking hand as he called it and then slowly lifting it up to his lips. As the liquid touched his lips the expression on his face changed from glee to complete confusion. He swallowed the first gulp and then licked his lips for confirmation of what his brain was telling him, then just to make sure he took another swig.
He looked across at Mrs. Jones who by now was moving wool and needles she had been using off the spare chair to sit down. He glanced over to Toddy who was busy marking out the basic titles in his notebook before the interview started. Parky slowly replaced the tankard onto the table and learned over to look inside while no one was watching.
"Water!" he muttered.
"You mean you didn't know" she asked "a man of the world like you".
"Well i....)
"You don't think they had beer in the Garden of Eden did you?" she asked. "Adam and Eve only had water, what did you expect at this time of a morning?"
"Oh well aye i knew all along" Parky joked "was just 'aving the lad on ya know".
"I wont have any of that "stuff" in my house" she added, "The good book has never let me down".
Toddy was trying to hide his laughter with his hand over his mouth but not having much success, Parky had been out witted by this old lady and caught him on the hop.
"An you can shut up too and start writing" Parky snapped at Toddy
He then turned to Mrs. Jones to try and change the subject.
"Now about this intruder?" Parky asked her
"oh yes well it was like this...." she started.


to be continued...next week


www.pctodd.co.uk

ON THE BEAT

On The Beat

Foot Patrol

Parky was just about to step out of the front door when Pc Walker called him back, "Parky Jim's left you a message" he shouted.
"A mer merr message don't ya mean" Parky replied with an air of cheek.
" Oh you are a bit of a card Parky, but it's serious," Pc walker commented.
"Well what he say then" Parky asked.
"Says he's got something from that car you brought in yesterday" came Pc walker's reply.
"Did he say what?"
"No" Pc Walker told him.
"Righte'o I'll call round now before i go out" Parky said while buttoning up his coat.
" You can't, he's not in yet" boomed his voice from inside.
"Late, Jim, that's not like him, Parky said surprised, "he's always 'ere".
"Well don't expect em to phone him, cant make out a word he says" Pc Walker explained.
"Aye you'd be on the pha phaa phone for hours" Parky joked.
Sgt Hooper came back into reception and wasn't exactly happy to see Parky and Toddy still stood there. "You two still here are you?" he said nodding his index finger at Parky. "op it".
Parky turned to Toddy and whispered "ya know, anyone would think there's a blinkin crime wave goin on the way he's rantin and ravin".
Sgt Hooper picked up a list of instructions off the desk meant for Parky's beat and shoved them into Parky's hand before he left. "and don't forget to make sure Mrs. Jones is alright, she thinks someone's been round last night".
"Aye willdo" replied Parky and with that they were out.


Into The Breach

Parky nearly fell done the steps due to him paying more attention to buttoning up his tunic than looking where he was going.
"It's blinking cold again, at least it's dry tho" he remarked to Toddy who didn't reply he just nodded.
"Where to first?" Toddy asked,
"We'll go for a warm first at Mrs. Jones's place" he replied "It's just up the road on Longfield Lane" he added.
They set off with at brisk walking pace trying to keep the circulation going to keep warm, the sun was out but a sharp wind had got up since arriving at the station.
"She make's a lovely cuppa too" Parky added.
Parky held his hands behind his back as they walked up Bury New Road, humming to himself a song he had heard in the Ostrich the night before.
"What's that song?" Toddy asked.
"3 guesses, that will keep ya busy while we're walkin up" he said with a smile.
"Oh errr, The Yellow rose of Texas?" Toddy asked.
"Nope" Parky joked.
"err Rose Marie by Slim Whitman? me mum likes that" Toddy said.
"Nope" Parky replied offering no clues whatsoever. "One more" he added.
"Ello Parky, good night last night wasn't it?" boomed a voice from behind them before Toddy could take his third guess. Parky turned round to see Mr. Vickers ridings his pushbike up the road,
"Aye it was that" Parky replied.
Mr. Vickers rang his bell as few times as he passed them. "see ya next week " he added.
"Aye willdo" Parky replied. He turned to Toddy, "go on then take your last guess".
Toddy was more interested in what Parky had done that was so good the night before, but Parky didn't seem to want to spill the beans.
"Err do you know everyone round here?" Toddy asked,
"Aye it's one of the perks of the job" he replied, "even the villains by first name" he added. "and stop trying to change the ruddy subject, go on take your last guess".
"Oh err Shake Rattle and Roll, Bill Haley...." Toddy said but Parky interrupted him.
" Don't give me any of that rock n roll rubbish" he said "there's no damn tune in it anyway".
"So what was it then" Toddy asked as they turned the corner into Longfield Lane.
"Three Coins In the Fountain" Parky replied.
"Never heard of it, who's that by" Toddy asked.
"Why Frank Sinatra" Parky exclaimed.
Parky stood at the corner and looked at Toddy in sheer disgust "You mean you've never heard of him, hes one of the greatest singers of out time!"
"Oh i know, me mum loves him, i was just having you on" Toddy joked.
"Ruddy kids" Parky muttered as they approached Mrs. Jones's house.
"Which is it" Toddy asked,
"The one with the blue door, no 17" Parky replied, "'ere we are".
They walked up to the terraced house with the blue door and Parky took Toddy by the arm and held him back from knocking on the door.
" Now leave the talking to me laddy, it's flaming cold out 'ere Parky told him "and a hot cuppa is always a welcome sight, its pays not to refuse one if offered".
Parky faced the door and placed Toddy by his side. "well don't just stand there knock on the flaming door" Parky quipped.














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FREE WIFFY WILBUR

Free Wiffy Wilbur !




Handbags At Dawn

"Don't put ME down sunshine" Wilbur shouted, "I'm just as good as anyone else around 'ere".
Pc Walker managed to compose himself once again and while straightening his tie remarked " I think you've got grand visions above your station Wilbur, now Calm down".
"Calm down!" shouted Wilbur, " you call me and think I should calm down".
"Yes or ill have to arrest you again and put you back in the cells for..."but before Pc Walker could finish, Wilbur had took off his jacket ready for a scrap, he still wasn't quite sober not even after a night in the cells.
"Listen 'ere you young wipper-snapper, you think you know it all , well come on then, put your money where your mouth is" Wilbur replied getting more wound up by the minute.
At this point the door opened with a squeak and in walked in Parky who thought he would investigate the raised voices he had heard while outside.
Wilbur glanced quickly to see who had come in but then return his attention back to Pc Walker. 
"Aye you all call me and what i do but i provide a valuable service to this community" Wilbur continued " I followed my father into this vocation, he was a trotter before me and I'm proud of it".
"Proud of what?, collecting rubbish others don't want, your nothing more than a glorified bin man" Parky piped up.
"Oi im not a bin man, I served my country during the war" Wilbur added. "I'm a recycling collections executive".
"A ruddy what?" Parky asked "what's one of them when there at 'ome".
"I take what others don't want and let others who can use them make use of em" replied Wilbur, who by now was getting a little annoyed at his entire existence being brought into question.
"Like i said , a glorified bin man" Parky added.
"Bin men take rubbish, i take unwanted goods" Wilbur replied quickly.
"Ya mean your a hoarder?" Parky asked.
"Maybe but my services was needed during the war, so don't put me down, i did my bit" Wilbur snapped.
"What did you do during the war?" Pc Walker asked.
"I fought for my country i did" Wilbur replied.
"The only thing you fought was conscription!" shouted Parky.
"You don't need to fire a gun to fight a war ya know" Wilbur quickly fired back.
"What's that supposed to mean" Parky answered
"Well who did the war dept come to for scarp metal? ME. who did the people come to when they wanted clothes? ME" Wilbur argued "I did my bit for this country".
Pc Walker realized he had stepped over the line, after all Wilbur really hadn't done anything wrong other than stand up for himself, but his attitude had really gotten the better of him. "look anymore of this and its back in the cells for you" he told him.
"You wouldn't do this to anyone from the council would you? no but cos im working class you harass me don't ya" he shouted
"Right ive had enough of this.. take him back to the cells" Pc Walker told Parky.
"Oh my god, NO we don't want THAT smell in here longer than we need" Parky replied as he took Wilbur by the arm to escort him back down the corridor he had just come from.

Wiffy's Lucky Day

What's that pong?

The next day Toddy was up at dawn, still thinking of the day before which hadn't been as bad as he thought it would have gone. He opened the curtains and looked out of the window. It was sunny and dry, not a cloud in the sky, in fact not a bad start tom the day at all considering it was December and the ground had been covered in snow the day before. He quickly got dressed and had his breakfast, in fact toddy was looking forward towards what the day would bring, he always knew that each day would be different and after yesterday he could quite believe it.
Toddy set off for the station daydreaming as he went , playing back in his mind everything that had happened to Parky, smiling as he walked, if anyone had seen him they must have thought he was a little crackers particularly when he burst out laughing now and again at his thoughts of Parky's pants on fire.

As toddy walked though the stations gate posts he saw Parky stood outside with a couple of other officers, Parky was as normal having a crafty smoke out of sight of the Inspector. as their eyes made contact with each other Parky began to smile,
"aye up looks who's here" Parky said. The other officers who Toddy didn't know looked up from the papers they were reading.
"Hi Parky. caught you having a crafty one eh" Toddy replied. "so that's why your standing out here" he continued.
"Aye that's right" Parky answered with a glint in his eye "you'd better errr go on in and sign on" Parky added.
As toddy climbed the steps and eased his way between them to open the door the others moved to the side to make way, sniggering as they did so, Toddy turned round to see Parky laughing like the clown at the Pleasure Beach in Blackpool.
" ok what's the joke" asked Toddy,
"Oh nothing lad, just go in" Parky replied." you'll find out soon enough"
Toddy opened the door and instantly was hit be the most disgusting smell he had been subjected to for years,
"What's that pong?" he asked Parky

Drunk Again Are We Sir?

Toddy walked into the station and turned left into the reception area, as he did so the small got worse, maybe its the drains he thought to himself until he opened the reception door and everything came to light.
As Toddy entered he could see Pc Walker leaning over the charge desk, pen in hand filling out a form. Pc Walker looked up and beckoned him over with his finger.
"Toddy make yourself useful and get Mr. Atkinson's coat off the rack will you" Pc walker told him.
"Right away " Toddy replied. he went over to the coat stand in the corner of the room and took down the coat and placed it on the desk.
" You'll have to learn how to fill these forms out so come over here and watch me", Pc Walker told him. Toddy did as he was told, being new on the job he didn't want to rock the boat just yet.
Stood on the other side of the counter and the source of that awful smell that was emitting from his person was Mr. Atkinson.
Mr. Atkinson was in his mid 40's, scruffy appearance wearing a grand-dad style collarless shirt and a scarf which had just been handed back to him, god blimey baggy pants with a huge 4 inch wide belt and a dirty and withered leather waistcoat.
"Right Wilbur, i hope you've had chance to think about your actions while you've been sleeping it off in the cells."
"I've had a rite gud nites sleep ya know" Wilbur told him, "aye them beds are better than what I've got at 'ome".
"Toddy this is Wilbur Atkinson, one of our regular clients at this hotel" Pc Walker told Toddy.
"Hotel?" Toddy remarked
"Well you'd think so seeing he's here every damn week" Pc Walker informed him. "He only comes here for a free breakfast"
"You must be jokin" Wilbur snapped "The bacon is like cardboard and the sausages haven't seen a blinkin pig".
"It didn't stop you eating it though did it" Pc Walker quickly fired back.
" Well you know what they say, never look a gift horse in the mouth" Wilbur pointed out.
"You wont that's for sure, anyway lets get you processed and get you out of here" Pc Walker told him.
"aye an about time too, i got to get back to feed the ''orse yet" Wilbur retorted.

Pc walker opened a bag with Wilbur personal effects inside and began to hand them over to him ticking off each item as he did so on the form he had laid in front of him.
"one cap.. dirty and withered" said Pc walker as he passed the cap over to him holding it gingerly between his thumb and index finger. Wilbur took it off him and placed it on his head but not before checking inside to see if that ten shilling note was still hidden away.
"cash....to the value of....£2, 10 shillings and sixpence".
Wilbur cupped his left hand at the end of the counter and flicked each coin into his sweaty palm counting it as he did so," Just makin sure it's all 'ere" Wilbur uttered. He then crumpled it all up and tucked it into his left trouser pocket
"rite ill be off now, give my regards to the chef" Wilbur told him sarcastically.
Wilbur was just about to leave as he heard Pc Walker utter under his breath "smelly sod, he might get ran over if we're lucky".
Wilbur who was always a little hot tempered especially after he had had a few jars was NOT impressed, turned to face Pc Walker and flew into a rage banging his fists on the counter forcing the un-suspecting officer to step back in shock and try and compose himself, but alas, it was too late and a heated argument was on the cards with no sign of Wilbur letting go before he had made his point.

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WIFFY WILBUR THE RAG AND BONE MAN HITS TOWN